Well, NOW is the place I usually avoid. I spend time looking back - amazed that I've survived. The future is where the good life will be found. Now is meant only to be endured, merely tolerated until the future arrives to rescue me from all that ails me.
Right now, I've got about 15 minutes before I have to get ready to go to my grocery store job. I would have already quit if it weren't for the benefits. Ironically, I can't afford to use them but I hope that will change soon.
My 'real' job (loan processing) became full time this week. I thought that I was going to be so over the moon when it finally happened. But of course that's not happened. Things feel even more precarious than ever. More banks & lenders are closing every week - it's getting nearly impossible to put down loans for the most golden of borrowers. We are definitely living on the edge.
Physically, I'm at my heaviest. An irony in that I have access to less food than ever (except for the winter 1997) and a testament the how bad the food that I am eating really is. No time or money for Acai Protein Smoothies or Vitamins. No time for cooking at home or money for groceries. With pinch more money coming in now - I'm going to try to get my health regime going again.
As for the writing, I'm going to start blogging like a fiend. Get it all out on paper or cyberspace as it were. I've got a lot to say and not a lot of time or people to share with.
So NOW does indeed look a lot like what has always been. The difference today is what I intend to do now to affect change for what comes next. Living today as though it were tomorrow. I'm hoping this blogging thing will give me the accountability & purpose I've been missing for a while now. Only time will tell...
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