Bits and pieces of normality that are starting to add up...
Had some good things happen this week. Finally closed 3 loans that dragged out 2 weeks longer than we thought they would. I got to sign 2 of them which brought in $300. extra for me. Very cool - hopefully I will use it well.
Old Navy had a $12 Jeans sale yesterday. All of mine are stained or ripped which has me in serious need so I hobbled to the mall after work and got 3 pairs. I didn't get to try them on because I got there 5 minutes to closing and there was no time. I'm only 1 for 3 on the fit but I can exchange them so that's good.
I had lunch with a friend from work...in a restaurant no less. It's seems ridiculous that such an event has become worth mentioning but that it is. Went out for a salad today after church and managed to go dutch though my generous friend usually gets the jump on me. Didn't go food shopping today but I still have food in the fridge from last week's foray to the grocery store. I actually cooked up a batch of Trader Joe's Orange Chicken & Brown Rice on Wednesday and took the leftovers for lunch the next day. Hot food is good for the soul.
My health on the other hand is less than perfect at the moment. I had to leave work early yesterday because my feet were killing me. The toes and arch on my left foot feel like they are sprained. Randomly, my ankle acted up as I was leaving the mall - it felt like it was sprained as well. I ended up limping badly all the way to the car. Also my left shoulder blade (where I had the infection in March) starting aching again last night. So much for working out...
So obviously I've got increased inflammation and it's running wild. I'm usually not this aggravated by it but I'm pretty uncomfortable. I've been having muscle spasms and random chest pain. I keep waiting for it to pass because it always does...eventually. Ironically, I have health insurance at the moment but I still can't really afford to use it and I don't have a good doctor to see anyway. By now, I'm used to self-diagnosing anyway.
I cross-referenced my test results and ended with a curious possibility ... hypothyroidism. I have a lot of the symptoms - including hair loss - and I appear to be low in all the right places. I'd like to get the right tests run while I'm still insured. I am so itching to quit the grocery job that is my insurance benefactor but it seems foolish considering how active the Lupus is at this moment. The irony is, the lack of rest I'm getting is pushing the Lupus activity which in turn moves the insurance out of the luxury column and into necessity. Yes it reeks of irony.
Can't solve all of my mysteries tonight and it is past the witching hour so I'd better pack it in. I am super grateful for the things that are going right - the little things aren't so little when they've been such a long time coming. I'll take whatever sunshine that comes my way.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Singing the Gotta-have-2-jobs-so-I've-only-got-1-Day-Off Blues
So I've found that Grocery Shopping is at least one of the secrets to my success. No Groceries = No Choices = Bad Choices. Sunday is my only day off but I have to make it count if I'm going to keep my week under control. That didn't happen last week because I hung out with friends for the first time in a long time - which is exactly what I wanted to do. The unfortunate consequence of that choice is that I ended up eating old fruit, pretzels and lots of toast for most of the week.
Working 6 days a week is no picnic. I really want out of my grocery job. It's physically taxing - it saps my energy and makes me too tired to work out. I have a finite amount of energy due to Lupus. Acai definitely helps with this but I can't always squeeze it in. I'm making better food choices but it's going to take a whole lot more than that to lose what I need to lose.
This morning I woke up with chest pain - felt like a dull knife was pushing into my heart. It happens every now and then. I tell myself it's nothing - I'm too young to have serious heart problems. My tests showed an elevated Cardio CRP which is an indicator of inflammation, among other things. Maybe it's Lupus related...I don't know. I didn't get much out of the doctor I was seeing. She failed to order a Sed Rate test I requested which would have helped make sense of things. So much for health insurance. It doesn't do me much good unless I've got good resources to help me utilize them.
I really need to get moving - cardio is as great for heart health as it is for losing poundage and I want to have both. It seems I get delayed or sidelined everytime I get serious. Totally frustrating. Nerve pain is the worst. My arches have been killing me which is mostly why I hadn't made it out yet. Also last week I fell at work and nailed my left knee cap. Between that and the intermittent sciatic pain in my hip it's no wonder it takes so much to keep me active longterm.
I drove to the big new Whole Foods in Tustin and roamed around in there for a good long while. I love checking out new grocery stores - getting lost down the aisles and dreaming about the possibilities. I prayed I wouldn't overdo it and I ended up doing ok. You really need to go in there with a plan because there are alot of curiously cool products - it's easy to get sidetracked. I really wanted to try these dehydrated Pineapple Chips I found on a teaser display but the sugar content was pretty high so I refrained.
I hit Fresh & Easy on the way home - they've got better prices on some things like the Greek yogurt and the Roasted Garlic Hummus I like which was $4-5 at Whole Foods...I just couldn't do it. Gotta make those dollars stretch.
Monday's a long day - I've got to work at both places tomorrow so I'd better call it a night.
Working 6 days a week is no picnic. I really want out of my grocery job. It's physically taxing - it saps my energy and makes me too tired to work out. I have a finite amount of energy due to Lupus. Acai definitely helps with this but I can't always squeeze it in. I'm making better food choices but it's going to take a whole lot more than that to lose what I need to lose.
This morning I woke up with chest pain - felt like a dull knife was pushing into my heart. It happens every now and then. I tell myself it's nothing - I'm too young to have serious heart problems. My tests showed an elevated Cardio CRP which is an indicator of inflammation, among other things. Maybe it's Lupus related...I don't know. I didn't get much out of the doctor I was seeing. She failed to order a Sed Rate test I requested which would have helped make sense of things. So much for health insurance. It doesn't do me much good unless I've got good resources to help me utilize them.
I really need to get moving - cardio is as great for heart health as it is for losing poundage and I want to have both. It seems I get delayed or sidelined everytime I get serious. Totally frustrating. Nerve pain is the worst. My arches have been killing me which is mostly why I hadn't made it out yet. Also last week I fell at work and nailed my left knee cap. Between that and the intermittent sciatic pain in my hip it's no wonder it takes so much to keep me active longterm.
I drove to the big new Whole Foods in Tustin and roamed around in there for a good long while. I love checking out new grocery stores - getting lost down the aisles and dreaming about the possibilities. I prayed I wouldn't overdo it and I ended up doing ok. You really need to go in there with a plan because there are alot of curiously cool products - it's easy to get sidetracked. I really wanted to try these dehydrated Pineapple Chips I found on a teaser display but the sugar content was pretty high so I refrained.
I hit Fresh & Easy on the way home - they've got better prices on some things like the Greek yogurt and the Roasted Garlic Hummus I like which was $4-5 at Whole Foods...I just couldn't do it. Gotta make those dollars stretch.
Monday's a long day - I've got to work at both places tomorrow so I'd better call it a night.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes....
I started several blogs at the same time - more evidence of my all or nothing tendencies. I find that this is the hardest one to keep up with which is funny since it is the most me-oriented one in the bunch. I always find it more appealing to talk about the abstract than the concrete.
So, I've been working on some things. Last week, a doctor friend told me that my recent blood test results could mean that I have serious malnutrition and may also be pre-diabetic. Not good. I've had lousy nutrition for years but things really slipped over the past year because my finances tanked. Those 99 cent Jumbo Jacks kept me alive but apparently not well.
We started talking because I was asking him what the causes of major hair loss could be as mine is falling out at a distressingly fast pace. His response was: stress, an iron deficiency or a thyroid condition. Since my thyroid tests looked ok - it seems I've got 2 out of 3. Stress...yeah I got that and my iron levels are low enough to need daily supplementation. Of course because I neglected to do it soon enough, it's really thinned out. I've had crazy thick hair my whole life so I wasn't too worried when I first noticed it, but now... My scalp is almost becoming visible and it's freaking me out.
Nothing gets me motivated for change more than the thought of an artificially sweetened future filled with endless bloodletting. Oh yeah, and baldness too.
This is what I have changed recently:
I'm taking Collagen & Iron Supplements twice a day (hair loss)
Went grocery shopping for Breakfast & Lunch meals (dinner is still a mystery)
Stopped eating fast food...again (except for the now occasional In&Out Burger)
Back to Plain old Smart Water...No more Vitamin Water = less liquid calories
Baby steps. Hopefully by next week I will have added the most crucial and dreaded change of all - a weekly excercise schedule. This week I'm still in 'planning/research mode' which I greatly prefer over 'action mode'. Not letting my internal motivation have a physical outlet is how I've failed to make any lasting changes over the years. Turns out, those NIKE ads had the best advice of all...Just Do It.
I've noticed that Pain Avoidance dictates a lot of my ingrained behaviors. I like to sleep in and take my time waking up. Working out not only involves physical pain but mental sacrifice as well. I like to multi-task and outdoor excercise (all that's available at the moment) doesn't allow for that. Also, I don't like to step out of my comfort zone. My general perception of life is that most of it is difficult and unpleasant. So much of what I do on a daily basis is outside of my control. What little I do control is padded for maximum comfort, emotionally & physically.
My unwillingness to push myself has made me soft & weak. To get stronger physically I've got to get uncomfortable enough to not only get moving but keep moving. Initial Action + Consistent Execution = Desired Results. Sounds like the makings of a cheesy self-help mantra. I'm writing this stuff down because I find some accountability in seeing my thoughts on paper and having my process exposed. It's not pretty now but the outcome could be if I don't let myself off the hook.
So, I've been working on some things. Last week, a doctor friend told me that my recent blood test results could mean that I have serious malnutrition and may also be pre-diabetic. Not good. I've had lousy nutrition for years but things really slipped over the past year because my finances tanked. Those 99 cent Jumbo Jacks kept me alive but apparently not well.
We started talking because I was asking him what the causes of major hair loss could be as mine is falling out at a distressingly fast pace. His response was: stress, an iron deficiency or a thyroid condition. Since my thyroid tests looked ok - it seems I've got 2 out of 3. Stress...yeah I got that and my iron levels are low enough to need daily supplementation. Of course because I neglected to do it soon enough, it's really thinned out. I've had crazy thick hair my whole life so I wasn't too worried when I first noticed it, but now... My scalp is almost becoming visible and it's freaking me out.
Nothing gets me motivated for change more than the thought of an artificially sweetened future filled with endless bloodletting. Oh yeah, and baldness too.
This is what I have changed recently:
I'm taking Collagen & Iron Supplements twice a day (hair loss)
Went grocery shopping for Breakfast & Lunch meals (dinner is still a mystery)
Stopped eating fast food...again (except for the now occasional In&Out Burger)
Back to Plain old Smart Water...No more Vitamin Water = less liquid calories
Baby steps. Hopefully by next week I will have added the most crucial and dreaded change of all - a weekly excercise schedule. This week I'm still in 'planning/research mode' which I greatly prefer over 'action mode'. Not letting my internal motivation have a physical outlet is how I've failed to make any lasting changes over the years. Turns out, those NIKE ads had the best advice of all...Just Do It.
I've noticed that Pain Avoidance dictates a lot of my ingrained behaviors. I like to sleep in and take my time waking up. Working out not only involves physical pain but mental sacrifice as well. I like to multi-task and outdoor excercise (all that's available at the moment) doesn't allow for that. Also, I don't like to step out of my comfort zone. My general perception of life is that most of it is difficult and unpleasant. So much of what I do on a daily basis is outside of my control. What little I do control is padded for maximum comfort, emotionally & physically.
My unwillingness to push myself has made me soft & weak. To get stronger physically I've got to get uncomfortable enough to not only get moving but keep moving. Initial Action + Consistent Execution = Desired Results. Sounds like the makings of a cheesy self-help mantra. I'm writing this stuff down because I find some accountability in seeing my thoughts on paper and having my process exposed. It's not pretty now but the outcome could be if I don't let myself off the hook.
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