Yes, well...You'd think with only one job I would be a posting fiend but not so thus far. I spent my first few weekends doing hardcore cleaning. I gutted my closet and reorganized my dresser. Feels so much better although I need to do some upkeep today...Later...
I have been quietly making other changes. Ridiculously simple & obvious things that I've never been able keep going for more than a few days at a time...before now. It's recently become clear to me, why that is. I've had a nasty struggle with perfectionism for as long as I can remember. And I used these unrealistic standards to cop out of really trying. There is a certain irony in allowing my perfectionist tendencies to keep me trapped in such mediocrity for all these years.
It's not just about the weight - it's everything. It's true of anything I was ever interested in doing. And my all-or-nothing mentality held me back just as much. It's as though I only ever had 2 speeds - Full-on or Dead Stop. It's not noble or admirable way to live...it's short-sighted & dumb. All or nothing doesn't work - it never worked. Now I see how that only set me up for repeated failure. Do what you've always done? Get what you always got...
So I have a different perspective now. My circumstances have been tough, for sure, but I am my own worst villian. If I continue to fail in life, it is my own fault. Period. To move forward, I must acknowledge the mental games I play & taking responsibility for how I've chosen to live. I am finally starting to live out the personal philosphies that I have been collecting over the past few years. Right now, it all boils down to 2 words: Sustainable Change.
I've been seeking out things that I can do now. Before my finances recover, before I feel better and all the other stars are aligned. My finances have not repaired to the place where I can afford to grocery shop with enough freedom to follow a specific diet. However, rather than being discouraged - I have gone a different route this time. In the past, I would have used my poor financial circumstances to excuse my unhealthy choices.
Truthfully, at least for the past year and a half - I really haven't had a choice. I was in the worst vicious cycle I've ever experienced. Lack of time and money led to 75% of my diet deriving from cheap fast food restaurants. I hated every minute of it and knew what it was doing to my health. Between two jobs - with the schedule I was working - it was eat on the run or not at all.
That is no longer true. Now, if I plan ahead and shop smart I can eat healthy. Also, I am staying hydrated - drinking a ton of ionized water and non-fat milk...and that's it. Most of the meals I now have time to make at home cost me much less than what I was spending on food that was killing me.
And guess what? I've lost 10 pounds so far. Now let me qualify that by saying...big deal...it's the same 10 pounds I've lost many times over. So it's not about the first 10 - it's about breaking past the mother of all 'plateaus'. This time feels different because I lost it honestly - not through sickness or depression induced starvation. Small sustainable changes have gotten me here.
I've been keeping track of my caloric intake, eating better foods and even getting in some exercise. All of this is a total shocker for anyone who knows me - including myself. Also, I'm finding that silence is one of the keys to success. Not talking about what I'm going to do before I do it. If my track record has proved anything it is that words are cheap - action is all that matters. Maybe I'll start talking after the results are visible.
I know I could really speed up my results if I started walking more. I haven't crossed over to that yet. But I have been playing some basketball - shooting baskets for a hour or so about 3 days a week. I love it too. Haven't been able to do it for years because of the torn rotator cuff injury. I am healed up now and finally able to get back into it. And that is no small miracle...trust me.
But what about the food? I'll save that for the next post....
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